Smiles come for free

Crack eyes
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

All done. It was about 4 days worth of work, and not too tough. I am gonna retire from the oil paints for a week or so as my life gets sucked away from me when I am working on one.

I'm really excited though. I went out last night and ran into a friend who invited to me to go see an opera on Sunday, The Marriage of Figaro. To be honest, I have been to more tractor pulls than opera's. The one opera that I saw was in Vienna, Austria was actually a really
horrible experience. The weekend was rainy and cold and I had arrived in Vienna without a place to stay. After walking for what seemed to be hours I found a hostel. The hostel turned out to be a guy's garage and he had filled it with bunk beds. You had to raise the garage door to go in out. In lieau of sleep, I instead shivered the night away as it was a cold Austrian night and the garage dormitory lacked heat. All night long people continually raised and lowered the garage door. Anyway, the next morning as I was eating breakfast I struck up a casual conversation with an American girl sitting next to me. She was touring europe with an orchestra (if I remember correctly she was a cello player). We made plans to go the opera.


Because we were poor we had to buy the poor people's seats. In fact, these were not even seats, just a spot to stand. For two hours my feet reminded why humans are not meant to stand that long while my body shouted never sleep in an unheated garage again.

random conversations

R: Odane-san, what are you plans for the weekend?

O: Sleep. Also watch dvd.

R: Did you bring some from Japan?

O: No, I rent. Twin Peak. You know? Whole series.

R: Twin peaks? Yeah I remember that. Who killed Laura Palmer?

O: Hai! Very mysterious. I like.

O: Last time my family come here watch Twin Peak. My daughter scared. Cry at night.

R: Oh! OH! I got one for you. Ever seen the Soprano's??

O: No. What is?

R: My man, you have been missing out. Here, I will write down the title. Go rent this and see what you think......

So far so good. Started the hair and did the lips. Pretty much done with face minus eyebrows and lashes. People look wierd without eyebrows. I sure hope I always have mine. 

Fun with my hometown newspaper

Save 40 steps. Cut your steps in half and park in the new parking lot on the west side of the Boonville-Warrick County Public Library. The automatic doors have been installed and that entrance is now open to the public!



Opening up the new entrance has been a goal for several years for Director of Library Services Lois Aigner and the board of the Boonville-Warrick County Public Library. Because the front hallway is so long, the board believed that it was a deterrent that kept some people from using the library.



For those who are recovering from surgery, expecting a child, or experiencing respiratory problems or any problems that make walking difficult, the new entrance will cut 40 steps off the path from the parking lot to the front desk in the adult section of the library.



A local resident who was present at the scene had the following to say. "Well Goll-eeee! I shore did always wanta use the library so's I could practice my readin', but man oh man, that hallway. It shore was long. It was longer than the day is long. But heck man, they cut off 40 steps. 40 whole steps! Shewwww - weeee! I mean yeah, I am tippin the scales at over a deuce, but who needs those extra 40 steps. Heck man did you see those doors. I walk up and BAMM!!! Those fuckers open right up. It's amazin!

jump roping too much causes brain aneurysm s

So I started the blocking in the tones. Goddamn those eyes melt my silly putty heart (that's my new phrase of the day). It's hard to force yourself to stop, but sometimes it necessary.

I demo-ed my new project. That stuff always makes me nervous, if ever something is to break it when 10 strangers are watching. Either that or you forget to put your chat on do not disturb and a window pops up with one of your friends saying something retardo like


"Wassup yo? Wuzz your weekend off da hook? I got SOOOOOO wasted Sat night."


That's never good. Quite unprofessional of course. 

PostSecret

I love postsecret.

Once upon a time I lived on a mattress on the floor of my brother's apartment. I awoke on a sleepy Sunday and boredom immediately set in. "Let's go get a dog!", I gleefully exclaimed. Luckily there was a trailer court nearby. You can always find free animals there We brought home our new hound but were quite disappointed. All he did was sleep. He was no fun and had abnormally large testicles. People told us to give him worm medicine, so we did. Then he shat 8000 worms. Things were never the same after that.

He immediately became hyper and ate everything. He chewed through electrical cords (while they were still plugged in), and ate the linoleum tiles. He was a very bad dog. We were forced to take measures.

First we tried giving him the Lex Luger torture rack. This didn't work, he just got mad and bit us repeatedly.

We had no choice but to give him pile drivers. Many of them. To our dismay we discovered that our canine has no central nervous system. You see, he feels no pain. So not only did we get a bad dog, but by giving him professional wrestling finishing manuevers early in life we sat ourselves up for years of torment.


I found a shoebox full of old pictures and there are indeed some gems. I will be sprinkling these in now and again as I see fit. 

New. I think I suck at eyes so I am really going to empasize them here. Sink or swim, you know?

I've decided to start asking friends to pose for pictures. Before I was
a) too self conscious of my stuff
b) afraid of coming across as creepy

but now
a) I think my stuff is pretty good (and improving)
b) have no apprehensions about asking


While hauling some stuff in from the truck today a lady was walking down my street. She stopped me and said, "Are you the one who paints all the people?"

"Yes."

"Well I walk by here all the time and am always trying to peak in your window. Those look great, do you have a business card?"

I was utterly flattered. It really made my weekend.  

A one arm man named lefty.

fixin brakes
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I now have maximum stopping power. I had forgotten the intrinsic value of working on my own vehicle. Not since the poor days have I gotten dirt under my fingernails, but I must admit, it felt oddly familiar. It's fun to dork around with this stuff. Of course, after living in VT for 3 years everything in the undercarriage was rusty. We had problems finding a cheater bar that would work, but came up with a perfect solution. We used an old bicycle fork as a cheater. It worked wonderfully. Perhaps we should liscence the idea to craftsman.



E: So I have this new thing i do at work.

R: What's that?

E: We have a comp system that is linked to the dmv. You can look people up in it. If a girl calls and sounds hot I look up her height and weight.

R: Is that illegal?

E: Not if it's for insurance purposes.

R: Hand me the wishbone fork cheater....

I'm impatient when I have fun things I want to do. After a meeting tonight, I couldn't resist starting on my stencillation. First thing I did was take the picture and dork with it in photoshop, getting the above result. This kind of looks cool in and of itself, but it gets better. I sent the image to kinkos (jip) to print out.

The kinkos good hooked me up though. I couldn't print them out life size but i got them about 4 feet tall. I made 2 copies and laminated them. From one copy I completely cut out the silhouette. From the other copy I cut out anything white.

I don't have any canvases big enough, so I will have to stretch one tomorrow, but I did find some cardboard to practice on. It looks really cool in real life. (I broke the garage door though after the fumes made me dizzy and I was in a rush to open it).

This is a little more close up. This was a fun project and makes me want to spray paint on things that aren't mine (but I won't, don't worry).

I decided I want to stencil fred. If i could incapacitate him somehow, i would stencil him with hair dye. On one of his flanks it would say, "My name is Fred." On the other side it would say, "I hump covers". 

1530

1530

Very cool photos, they have kidn of a dark vibe about them.

Right now. 

I was looking through photos for something to make a life size stencil out of and found this one. This is squat, one of my college roomies. I had forgotten about this picture and found it in my shoe box from the pre-digital days.

Squat was good as gold and remains on my favorite persons list. One of my fondest college memories was going to his granny's house. This is an interesting story. His granny lived in a big farmhouse on a ginourmous (i made that word up) farm on the outskirts of the hoosier national forrest in merrilville indiana. After her husband died she packed up her clothes and moved to Indy, leaving the house as it was. All the furniture, plates, silverware, etc. was left there. During hunting season we would go down and spend the weekend. Now keep in mind deer season doesn't come in until after the first frost, so the nights would be brisk. Friends from home would come up. All in all it would be me, squat, white thunder, bubba, windbigler, and drew rainwolf. Since I didn't hunt I would sit around the house and do caclulus homework, the rest of the crew would load up guns and go out and slay a deer. It was drug home and immediately butchered while hanging from a rafter in the garage. ( I didn't watch this part, it would make me gag ). We would cook a huge meal and by then it would be dusk. Sometimes we would go into town and hit the bar and chill with the locals, other times we would sit around and a watch Saturday Night Live on the tiny television that only got two channels.

It was surreal.

White thunder was a born again Chrisitian (and now a missionary) and often told us we were sinners. We would sit around and say to each other, "Man a beer shore would be good right now." After about 15 minutes, Thunder would say, "Oh, alright. Go get some beer." Immediately everyone would pile into a pickup and head into town in search of Killian's red. Of course he would partake when we returned, but this was the necessary ceremony which took place each and every time. Somehow it was necessary.

Drew Rainwolf was an interesting character. He would show up to hunt in a purple tshirt which was all cut up, and some type of leotard. He kind of looked like the Macho Man, Randy Savage. Bubba and Windbigler would disappear to smoke weed and usually get hung up in cornfield where we would have to go pull them out.

The farmhouse itself was kind of creepy, it was old and not well lit and the heat came from radiators so you would often have to sleep in a random spot just to stay warm. On the third floor was a door that led to the outside, there wasn't stairs or anything, just a three story drop. I thought this was odd.

But anyway, I am going to attempt a life size stencil if I can get Kinko's to print one out big enough. This will be a good Sunday project.....  

Converting a colour photo to a single layered stencil with Photoshop - Tutorials - Stencil Revolution

Converting a colour photo to a single layered stencil with Photoshop - Tutorials - Stencil Revolution


Another tutorial for making a stencil

Creating a 3 layer multicolour stencil - Tutorials - Stencil Revolution

Creating a 3 layer multicolour stencil - Tutorials - Stencil Revolution


For my reference.........

works cited - google.com

Image Files - Essay Page 1


Read the essay. Funny stuff.

Silence like a thunder grows.

My mind has been racing. I have a BIG BIG BIG work project where I am shin deep in code and debugging all day. By 4 pm though, my brain is a bologna sandwich and I can no longer think straight. I think my eyes have started crossing as well. (I haven't eaten bologna for approx 4 years). That sure is a long time to go without.

Now i have this vague image of my body with a bologna sandwich for a head.

The project is fun though, and I even skipped lunch today solely due to the fact that I was having fun working on it and listening to Sam Kinison in the background on my ipod.

OK - just so you can save yourself 39 bucks. I bought a BERKIN fm transmitter for my ipod so i could play it in my truck. What a total hunk of shit that thing was. So stay away from them, your better off with an in dash unit that takes a line in feed.

I'm excited for Sunday. We are doing a BRAKE JOB. I even dusted off my old work boots, they have steel toes so I can kick things when I get mad (like at a stuck bolt).

So my friend is getting married in June in Nashville tennessee. I want to get a pair of white cowboy boots for the occasion with my intials R L emblazened in red letters on the side. That's not the fun part though, my other friend is now residing in Paris and is in desperate need of visitors. So, I think I will just take all my vacation, go to Nashville, and then fly to paris (if i can get a cheap enough ticket or use my frequent flyer miles).

I learned the Scooby doo theme song a few nights ago and I can't stop singing it. When I take Fred Savage for a walk, I usually sing.

People give me strange looks, but it's ok, as I throw rocks them.

I had to give my french coworker a ride to his hotel today. His accent is extremely thick, he kept talking about the "EEE--WAWK - WAH". For 10 minutes he went on about this. Finally, I said, "Dude, I have no idea what you are talking about." He replied, "The wah, the wah in eeeh-wak." After he spelled it, I realized he meant the Iraq war. 

life drawing session.... 

Sometimes I get a charlie horse in my left foot when I put my sock on.

Dodgeball went over well with my friends. I'm not sure if you remember playing back in grade school, but there is always one kid with a mutant arm who can hurl balls at light speed. This was no exception. Punk rock Dave scared me with his innate ball hurling abilities. Unfortunately, two people fell victim to head shots (luckily I wasn't one)

When I got home, I was tired, but wanted to see how Fred would react to getting pummeled by a big rubber ball. I launched it at him, he jumped in the air, caught it in his mouth and popped it. Then he wouldn't give it back. He bit me 4 times as I tried to take it away. At least one will leave a scar. I quickly gave up

Sometimes weird toys find their way into my home.

Today I am tired and sore and feel like an old lady.

rotten babies

So the smell in my truck had become unbearable. I took it to get the oil changed and the guy that drove it into the garage gagged. He was all like, "Dude, there is something foul going on in there." I asked him to check under the hood for a dead mountain goat, but none could be located.

I couldn't bear it this morning so again, I took it to the car wash, opened the doors and resumed my search. When i flipped up the back seat I discovered a pound of hamburger meat. I guess when I went shopping 2 weeks ago for groceries I had purchased it. Somehow it had slid into the crevice under the seat. It then baked and festered in my vehicle sitting closed up in the hot texas sun for 2 weeks fermenting a delicious vile smell. There is no exageration on my part, it was disgusting.

Anyway, it was all white and smelled of yuck and forced me to gag several times as I threw it away. I'm quite ashamed to say this isn't my first rotten meat adventure, although I certainly hope it is my last.

couching it

couching it
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

pretty much done. i like.

Vamos

Vacation day- no worky worky. Instead I have a domestic to do list.

1) First off, it seems a mountain goat has crawled into my truck somewhere and I died. For the past two days a rotten death smell has been noticably apparent. After removing all the old food and driving with the windows down it is still there. So it's off to the car wash to give it a scrubbing. If that doesn't work I am going to hang a hundred pine cone fresheners.

2) haircut - 7 weeks overdue

3) Brakes and Rotors - the truck isn't stopping so good anymore, and I am a bad driver. Couple these two things and you have a recipe for disaster. I emailed E. and asked if he would help me change them, his response?

From Evan:
YEAH, IT WOULD TAKE LIKE 2 HOURS TO DO. DON'T BE A JACKASS AND GO BUY CRAPPY AUTOZONE PARTS THOUGH.

WHEN I GOT MY BRAKES, I BOUGHT SOME ONLINE FOR THE SAME PRICE, ONLY THEY ARE HIGH QUALITY. MINE STILL ARE LIKE NEW AND I HAVE A CRAPLOAD MORE STOPPING POWER THAN THE JUNK AUTOZONE BRAKES HAVE...

LOOK ONLINE FOR POWERSLOT ROTORS FOR YOUR TRUCK. ALSO GET METALLIC BRAKE PADS. IF THEY ARE MORE EXPENSIVE, THEY WILL PAY FOR THEMSELVES BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO DO A BRAKE JOB AGAIN.

/end

I really want stopping power so I will heed his advice.

This will be a fun weekend. I have planned a dodgeball game tomorrow. I bought some dodgeballs and wrote some witty lines like, "Your face here." on them.

Tomorrow night I am taking some friends to Malaga, one of my favorite restaurants, and the we are going to see a burlesque show.

note 4 me.

A penguin pushing a lawnmower.

Now you can see what the grey square will be. It's an extreme eyebal closeup.

Occupying myself with petty distractions, I tried not to work on this tonight. Walking the dog, learning a new song, cleaning the house (for about 3 mins), but I could not resist. Now it's all mushy and I really need to let it tack up for a few days. 

A lunch meat quesadilla

Click here for true bliss.


Oh. my god. Only click the above link if you have a lot of self restraint. This proves the internet is truly dangerous.

Some bob ross style shrubbage. That's really the only way i know how to paint that stuff. I wonder if they have bob ross dvd's? If they do I am ordering tonight. Also did the couch. This is turning out cool, but now I am afraid of touching it. EEEEEK. 

She lost her looks but not her mind.

I like to think of myself as well rounded. You want to discuss Nietzsche or the inherant pitfalls of globalization efforts? Not a problem. You want to trade poop jokes? I can accomodate that too.

That being said, here is a short essay on Aristotle's "The Nicomechian Ethics"

Just kidding. It's a poop story.

Real Live Conversations

(as I write this REO speedwagon's infamous song "I can't fight this feeling any longer" is playing in the background. I wanted to set the ambiance; it is important.)

E: I had to poop at work today, it was 4:45 and I couldn't make it.

R: You don't usually do that?

E: No way. I hold it until I get home. Do you?

R: Only if I eat something bad at lunch. Was anybody in there with you?

E: Some guy came in and peed.

R: Did you give him the silent treatment?

E: I lifted my feet up off the ground. I didn't want him to see my shoes. Nobody at work has the same kind of shoes as I do.

R: That's a great strategy and one I have never employed, I will add it to my repetoire. Do you want some of this yankee pot roast? It's delicious.

E: Poop is neat word. It can be a verb or a noun.

R: Have you ever noticed that most words that can be verbs OR nouns are vulgar?

E: Give me some of that yankee pot roast. Hey, when you pay the bills this week, will you pay 30 bucks less than you are supposed to and then write me a check for 30? I'm broke.

R: No.

E: Your rich, you can afford it.

R: I took a tax hit this year.

Day 2. I realized today i can't paint water. Luckily, that doesn't bother me all that much. I need more time for more classes and such, but I am not doing considering I just started this whole art thing like 2 or 3 years ago. 

dining room

Picture 132
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

no dining though.

economic woes and pontification process shows.

Wow did I not do well on my budget this pay period.
To top it all off, I dont own a printer, but have a kinko's nearby.
I went on Sat to print out some tax forms and stuff (still gotta mail those in). Anyway, I got print happy with some pictures. Next thing I know its a 30 buck charge.

Kinko's is a jip.

That's my summary. I woke up Sunday with a major Sangria headache. The only thing I accomplished was cleaning my room. I even vacumned up the 2 month old dog puke.

Now it smells like wild orchids.

No more jumbo cube. We were moved to a jumbo room. It's worse than it sounds.
The at & t text to voice has taken on a whole new level of fun though.

New painting started.  

Overheard at my house

E: What are you going to do today?

R: Groceries, cleaning, paint. That's all. You?

E: I'm gonna get a sugarglider.

R: Huh? What's that?

E: It's a marsupiel. Kind of like a flying squirrel. They sit on your shoulder.

R: Does it stink? We have enough stink already.

E: No, it poops hard pellets.

R: Fred will eat it, or you will forget to feed it. Either way, I give it a week, tops.

E: No way, I will train him to ride on Fred's back. They are very smart.

R: One week. The deathpool is on.

sketchdump102

sketchdump102
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Did you know that the same guy who built the eiffel tower also designed the supporting structure for the statue of liberty?


I didn't until today.

oldman

oldman
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Whilst hiding in the bushes trying to catch a photo of Ernie, this guy walks by. I couldn't resist. I wanted to make the photo look like that old one of bigfoot? Remember that one, where bigfoor is walking through the woods? Anyway, I dorked with it in photoshop a bit.

humility served in cold in a mason jar

Picture 113
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

So much for having the coolest bike in the neighborhood. I thought the pegs would set me over the edge. I was walking the canine when I spotted this fella' doing slow laps around the block. I turned a light shade of green (not sea green like the bike), ran home, grabbed my camera, and strategically hid in the bushes so I could get a shot. This bike is pimp and has ape hangers. The photo itself does not do it justice, seeing this old timer cruising around.


I made up a story about him. His name is Ernie, he is 72 years old and a widower. He lived the majority of his life in a small town in Idaho. As the twilight of his life approached his athritis caused him to seek a warmer climate, thus the move to Texas. He spends his time here at the VFW playing cards with his best friend who is aptly nicknamed "Buzz".

sketchdump101

sketchdump101
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Comic.

I would kill for this shirt. Literally.  

PostSecret

PostSecret: ""


A friend forwarded me this link a few days ago. Obviously, she has impeccable taste. Stop what you are doing now and go read these. It's genius.

I hate my toenails.

I love getting mail, and I love surprises even more. Today I got both. In my mail were 3 new t shirts and this womp-ass bumper sticker. I admit the front of it (shown above) is kind of funny, but the back is even better

Sarcastic eh? Ok, so it was good for a cheap laugh. Then I opened up the hometown newspaper. It gets better.

I find this ad.

Queue the dream sequence

I walk into Diana's casual cut. "Hello ma'am. I am here for a 3 minute BioPhotonic scan to ensure my supplements are working. Is this the right place?"

"It shorely is. First off, it will be 5 dollars."

"Ok." (I hand her the money) and she leads me into a room with a giant xerox machine.

"Ma'am, do you have the proper degree to do these scans?"

"I have a certificate from the Xerox corporation. Now bend over and put your face on the glass, but close your eyes, the light will burn your retinas out." She hits a big green button and and a black and white photo of my face showing all the black heads on nose ejaculates from the machine. She stands and looks it over.

"Your a little low on Vitamin C. Try drinking 3 glasses of Minute Maid a day."

"Ok, thanks", I say.
Then I leave. The whole process only takes 3 minutes.

end the dream sequence

So that was all of the mail. I got bored after that since stupid FOX stopped putting Malcom in the Middle (I love Dewey) on at 6:30, so I had to find something to do

I gave Fred a piledriver and knocked him out cold. Now he knows who is the boss.