I hate my toenails.

I love getting mail, and I love surprises even more. Today I got both. In my mail were 3 new t shirts and this womp-ass bumper sticker. I admit the front of it (shown above) is kind of funny, but the back is even better

Sarcastic eh? Ok, so it was good for a cheap laugh. Then I opened up the hometown newspaper. It gets better.

I find this ad.

Queue the dream sequence

I walk into Diana's casual cut. "Hello ma'am. I am here for a 3 minute BioPhotonic scan to ensure my supplements are working. Is this the right place?"

"It shorely is. First off, it will be 5 dollars."

"Ok." (I hand her the money) and she leads me into a room with a giant xerox machine.

"Ma'am, do you have the proper degree to do these scans?"

"I have a certificate from the Xerox corporation. Now bend over and put your face on the glass, but close your eyes, the light will burn your retinas out." She hits a big green button and and a black and white photo of my face showing all the black heads on nose ejaculates from the machine. She stands and looks it over.

"Your a little low on Vitamin C. Try drinking 3 glasses of Minute Maid a day."

"Ok, thanks", I say.
Then I leave. The whole process only takes 3 minutes.

end the dream sequence

So that was all of the mail. I got bored after that since stupid FOX stopped putting Malcom in the Middle (I love Dewey) on at 6:30, so I had to find something to do

I gave Fred a piledriver and knocked him out cold. Now he knows who is the boss.