PostSecret

PostSecret


This is my favorite one of the week.

While the Euro was crashing to record lows this morning I started the day with a wierd moment. I was laying in bed fast asleep when I heard my grandma's voice clear as day, "Ruel, wake up! Your oversleeping." I looked at the clock on the cable box but it was sort of blurry since I was partially asleep and didn't have my glasses on. Then a realization hit me, my grandma isn't alive, so that means there is a ghost in my room. It was one of those moments when you are so scared that you cannot move or speak. As I lay there paralyzed, my vision adjusted and I began to focus. It was 5 am. Either it was a dream, or grandma is bad with time. Evan was passed out on the couch. "Get up! Your going to be late for work". Nothing. "Fred, get Evan" (I have trained my dog to attack my brother on command, it's freaking awesome) so the dog attacked him. "Man, i don't want to go to work, I know there are going to be 146 voice mails saying I have hail damage, I need my car fixed......"



I went on a self help book bender about a couple of years ago. Most of them were bunk, but one sticks out in my mind. It simply said, draw a picture of your perfect life. What does yours look like? 

Windmills and cheese

I was offered cocaine about four seconds after I stepped off the train in Amsterdam. It was 6 a.m. and I hadn't slept the night before. The group I was travelling with had smuggled a bottle of Absinthe aboard the train and it left me nearly delirious. Consulting our "Let's go Europe" book, we made our way to a hostel smack dab in the red light district. We arrived at the hostel, paid 7 dollars each for a bed and headed up stairs. The room looked like an army barracks, I quickly scanned my surroundings for possible threats. Looking up at me from the bottom bunk was a young boy with a tattoed face and a bone through his nose. "Sup?", he said. In the middle of the room was a picnic table with at least a pound of marijuana on it. "Hmmm, don't see that everyday.", I thought.

After sleeping and doing some walking around night slowly fell onto the city and the vibe of the place changed. Red neon lights flickered on in the windows and prostitutes stood and coerced the crowds. "What are we going to do tonight?", I asked Alex, a guy from Austin who I had met a few days earlier in Spain. "Duh, we're in Amsterdam. We're gonna go see a sex show."

So we went to the sex show. The sex show is basically a movie theater with a stage containing a revolving circular platform. Like a play, it consisted of a series of acts. Before I go into that though, let me describe the audience. All young men? Not a chance. Behind us were a group of drunken scot's who would graciously give us play by play coverage the rest of the night. In front of were 7 elderly japanese women. Quite the odd scene.

The first act was just some straight up sex. Nothing too odd here. Act two: lesbians. Act three is where things got interesting. This was the audience participation portion. It consisted of a dominatrix who select a man from the audience, blindfolded him, flogged him for a bit, and then place a dildo headband on him. You can guess what happened after this. Act four was my favorite. A naked black man came out wearing a batman cowl and cape and proceeded to have sex with a quite bored looking woman. The kicker was in the background they were playing the batdance, Prince's song from the movie. Naked batman lip-synced the entire song, thus, multi-tasking.

BATDANCE.

I also started a new painting today. The goal for this one is not to get a realistic look, yet to get to a realistic look. Confused? :)

I even blocked in some color. Some of the magazines I get tell of "secret" techniques to use. So I am trying a new one. 

The funny thing about living in Texas is that the weather will be perfect, and then out of nowhere, you get a torrential downpour. I went to a Memorial day party yesterday and spent most of the day there. Are you ever someplace and in single instant decide you don't want to be there anymore? That happens to me a lot. So yesterday my fleeing moment kicked in I drove on home. I crashed on the couch and immediately fell into an HBO movie. 3 hours into that fucker the power goes out. The movie had 15 minutes left and my heart was thumping as the cable box rebooted. You see, the last 15 minutes would tie the movie together. Success! The movie comes back on and a screen was presented. Epilogue: Tying it all together. "Holy shit", I thought to myself, "just in time". Then the power went off again.  

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

sketchdump125

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Charcoal on coloring book page. The coloring book is the story of Abraham Lincoln.

Today was the first day at my new job.

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

It's not often in adult land when we get a first day of an indefinite experience. Today, I got the second one of my adult life.

It's a sort of wierd feeling. Yesterday I was one of the best, the guy everyone asked questions to; fast forward to today when I sat with a dumb look on my face trying to blend into the wood work.

You want to make a good impression, you know. You want to look smart. Truthfully though, you are wondering when do the people go to lunch, where is the bathroom and other silly things like that. It makes you feel like a kid who just transferred to a new school and isn't real sure how he should act.

All in all though it was good. When I started at IBM I literally sat for like three months doing squat. An older guy gave me some manuals to read like the second day. I think the manuals were like 15 years old and given to all new hires and passed around. The new place has some good vibes and I feel pretty good about the choice.

In other news: I am going to host a sort of art class at my place for some friends. Lots of them have moved recently so I am going to have them bring canvases over, and let them play around with my paint. Seems like a cool way to spend an afternoon, at least I think so.

metal shavings

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Last night's slumber was filled with visions of Robots which I could not shake. In fact, you could say I was plagued. My dream went like this:

I was wondering through a jungle which was teeming with monkeys. Deep in the humidity of the scene I stumbled across a robot who was fishing. Somehow I knew that it was my friend. We held hands and walked along a stony path. It hummed songs from the big band era and gave me kisses.

That's all. Now I am going to go watch pro wrestling on DVR.

Shipping tape babies.

This guy makes these babies out of shipping tape and then places them out in the real world in interesting situations.

True tales.

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Pure generosity.

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Harrata - san returned from Japan today. As a going away gift, she brought me art supplies from Japan. I will genuinely miss being around them. (She also brought cookies, but they tasted like shit).

These are my marbles.

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Washing dishes

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Trapped like a fly

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Stuck to the glue

Sunday Photos

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My chuck taylors.

I use this plastic gun for behavior modification. (I shoot the dog with it). It doesn't hurt him; don't call peta. It's so Pavlovian, now I point it and he snarls and does his predator imitation. We are so clever here.

I have a friend who is a professor at UT. We were discussing the art of final examinations last night and she told me that for one her tests she include an extra credit question which read, "My professor's name is ". It was multiple choice with different spellings. The majority of the students were incorrect.

Sometimes having a name that is spelled nothing like it sounds is not all it is cracked up to be. 

The chaos of last last week is beginning to subside. During the day I have been wrapping things up at work #1, but of course, it's been hectic. At night I have been training for job #2. It sorta feels like being back in college, excited about learning new things. I can't wait to start. The night training has taken a lot of time though, couple that with 2 nights of dinner's with friends and I have not been present at the homestead much. I have a list of things to I try to do every night:

1. Take 1 photo
2. Draw/paint 1 picture (or work on a continuing piece
3. 30 minutes on the guitar (Trying to learn panic by the smiths right now)

I have been quite deficient in the last days summed 7. ||  

Fat over lean

When I was a kid we had a pet pig named "Old Rupture" because he had a big rupture thing. It was Gross.

I was driving home yesterday and the truck in front me had something in the back. It kept hopping up and down. When I got close i realized it was a giant hunk of pork. I see dogs and children in the backs of trucks, but this is my first time for a giant hog. I wonder if it was his pet and if it had ruptures? 

Eventually we fell upon sour times. The union went on strike at the aluminum factory and we were poor. We had to eat that big old ruptured pig that I loved oh so well.

Too cool.

swt

Artists are going into hotels and removing the mirrors and paintings on the wall. Then they paint there own stuff and replace the mirror.


Guerilla warfare in simplistic formats.

Cocaine and machine guns.

I dreamt last night that I developed a cocaine addiction and was then drafted into the army. It left me with a queasy feeling this morning when i was woken. The dream included many vivid battle scenes; I need to cut down on tv.

This week has been silly busy. At night I have been trying to study up on stuff for the new job as well as maintain a normal and healthy social schedule. It feels good to be excited about a job again and also to learn some new stuff. At work I have been doing the traditional goodbye lunches with various groups.

However, since my life is suddenly a dove I have decided to treat myself with a new camera. I dropped some bank on this thing.

After all, I deserve it and I take lots of pictures.

I'm also going to host an "art afternoon" at my house. Lots of my friends have moved recently and need some stuff for their walls, so I am going to help to crank out some stuff. Should be fun.

Found items

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

It's not everyday you stumble across the mensa bulletin. I will post some of the stuff from the inside, they have some "personals" type ads. Oh man, these things are priceless......

The end of lesser days.

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

As my time at the IBM corporation comes to a close I want to relate a story of an infamous co-worker, the Dirty Syrian.

The Syrian showed up a few months after I started straight from the Boston area. His first day of work he arrived dressed as though he was hitting the club scene and complete with his bling-bling. It only took one conversation with him for me to realize he was the vilest, filthiest, dirtiest man ever to walk the Earth.

I liked him immediately.

The Syrian was known for three things:

1) Laziness
2) Loudness
3) Stench

Let me explain.

In 8 months I never saw him do work. This is not an exaggeration, the guy did nothing but play dynomite all day at work. He wasn't shy about it either. You would call him and he would say, "Dude! Dude! Dude! Let me call you back, I'm on level 8 and this shit is hard!" He had dynomite down to a science and was always giving me strategic tips.

The guy had the loudest voice I had ever heard. 2 girls shared an office across from the hall me. Syrian would come in Monday morning from boston, walk in to my office and say in the loudest voice, "Dude! Dude! Dude! Man I had a prostitute sniff coke off of my **** this weekend. It was great!

"SHHHHHH!!!!! Dude, you are gonna get me fired for your filthiness, I would say."
He would leave and immediately the girls from next door would come in. "That is the filthiest man alive", they informed me.

True dat.

The Syrian had one skill that I couldn't top. He would come into our office and let the vilest, rankest, nastiest, fart and then leave. The kicker was it was time released. 4 minutes would pass before the stink let free. It totally defied science. Eventually, Rutar (my brother from a different mother) and I banned him from our office.

One day our manager was in our office and had a question. "Can you call the Syrian over here?" We had to explain to him we couldn't because he was banned from our office for crop dusting us. "He did that? I think he did that too me too. I am banning him from my office as well."

Eventually the Syrian left us, moving back to Boston. This was during layoff season. We always knew layoffs were coming because a skid of "layoff boxes" would show up in the printer room.
He asked us to help him move. THe kid had packed up his entire house with layoff boxes (they were kind of small).

"Dude, how did you get all those?"

"It was easy, I just took 10 a day for a week. I walked right out with them."

Unbelievable.

I miss that kid.

I want to hire a grandma.

I am in the market for a grandma.

My jeans are ripped, my camo shorts need a button, I need a new quilt and I want a home cooked meal with some gravy on sunday nights. I think this an excellent opportunity for someone who does not have grandchildren in the area. I will even let them call me by their grandchild's name. It won't be wierd, I am good at pretending.

Seriously though, I would pay someone for some grandmotherly services......

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

since it's so beautiful outside

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and I have been gone all day, and every article of clothing i own is dirty and on a pile on the floor, underneath of my smelly orange dog, my recreational time is fleeting. It's still therapeutic to take a half an hour and make something hideous. It's the divine order ya know?

We have this great independant toy store called "Toy Joy". I made a trip there yesterday and bought a bunch of post cards, coloring books, and marbles. Why? I don't know. Sometimes moods like that strike and I find myself in situations where I think it is a good idea to buy 32 marbles.

The first flight of Wilbur Wright

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

As I was checking my email this morning, my IM windowed openend up. A message from my punk rock college roomate blazed across the screen. "I'm moving to Austin".

How exciting! It will be nice to have a familiar face from the past around. He is an interesting guy who i spent many wednesday night's with sipping undrinkable long island iced tea's (just the thought of them triggers my gag reflex) at Jake's road house.

One night a few of us were out and p.r. roomate was wearing shorts with grey soccer socks pulled up real high. We walked past a few frat style boys, and one of them said, "Nice socks, fag!". We simply strolled on past. One member of our group said in a barely audible level, "We should just go kick there ass's." P.R. Roomate turned around with a crazed look in his eye, "Fuck yeah, let's kick their asses."

He walked up to the vocal frat boy and without any hesitation or words headbutted him in the face. Immediately, frat boy's nose exploded in a torrent blood. All other member's of both groups stood in a state of shock waiting for something to happen. Silent frat boy started laughing at his fallen friend and the tension was over.

To this day, it is one of the coolest events I have seen transpire.

I wasn't sure what to fill in the blanks, so I was forced to improvise. 

My abstract muse

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I am trying to look at the world through abstract feelings, but it is a completely different way of thinking from my nuts and bolts engineering 8-5 thing. One little ditty every night is my goal.

Tonight I am booking my flight to Nashville for my best friends wedding. Without a doubt, I have to see the grand ole opry, live and in person. I want to see the cheesiest of the cheesy and that includes a Yakov Smirnoff (is that his last name? he used to be on night court) comedy act.

I told my japanese peeps that I am leaving. Odane sann said, "Oh ruel - sann, I will be lonely!"
Often I have tried to explain to them how their misuse of english is like poetry to me, but I am not sure if grasp what I am saying.

Exit Stage Left

To little fanfare I gave my two weeks notice yesterday. My time as a citizen of corporate America is coming to a close and I feel like I ate big bowl of rainbows.
Everything is feeling good right now.

My next goal is to buy a house, strap on a tool bet and lay some tile.

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Secrets and whispers

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Explanations forthcoming.

overheard at my house

E: Man I woke up at 3 am in last night and my toe was throbbin'! I couldn't take it anymore so i came out and took your exacto knife (I sharpen my pencils with it) stuck it in the bottom of my toe and just yanked it down. Blood was dripping everywhere. I got the ingrown though. I grabbed a hold with the tweezers and yanked and this huge chunk of toenail came out.

R: It's such a relieving feeling isn't it?

E: Yeah, I just and sat and held the nail in my hand.





E: Then I put in my mouth and ate it.

Watch out for the stairs!

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Sketch dump, yo.

forks and spoons in the road

I am 27 years old.
My options for tonight include:

a) going to the gym
- it's leg day though, and that = bad
b) going to art class
- i never regret going, but it is hard to motivate to drive there as it does not start 'till late, also being flaky artsy types sometimes nobody shows up
c) watching disc 2 of the rise and fall of extreme championship wrestling
- i never buy dvd's but i splurged yesterday. disc 1 was the shizz nit, disc 2 has best of matches with commentary.

Or i could do a combo move.

My dinner options include

a) skillet sensation
- yankee pot roast or garlic chicken
b) or pre made frozen hamburgers

The oven is still broken. There is approximately 4.5 inches of yucky at the bottom of the grill. It is solid, but turns to liquid form when we grill. If ever I am to stop writing, you will know that the yucky caught fire and exploded, killing me in the process.

I arrived home yesterday and found the living room filled with the seats from the jeep. All of the upholstery had been removed. My brother stood in the center of the room holding a pillow and using the one remaining kitchen knife (all the other knives have been used as tools for various projects, thus ruining them) to slice it open.

What are you doing?

The foam in my seats is broken down. I am gonna use the pillow stuffing and build it back up.

He did a pretty good job. I tested the seats out. They were indeed fluffy.

He no longer has a pillow though, but I guess it's no big deal as he doesn't have sheets either.

overheard at my house

E: Dude, I've got an ingrown toenail that kills.

R: .....

E: Fred, my toe is double it's normal size.

(I glance up, true enough, his big toe is gigantic and purpleish)

R: I had one once. It was so bad if I put a cover on myself at night, the pain would make me cry. I dug at it for like two weeks. Finally one I was digging and found it. I used some tweezers and with a braveheart like yell, ripped it out. Every time my heart beat blood would gush it. It felt SO good when it was gone. I just sat there, bled, and smiled.

E: Maybe I should just get my big toes removed. Do you think my balance would be thrown off??

Pumpkin bliss.

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I spent yesterday canoeing the Colorado river. Due to my miscalulations regarding how sensitive my pigmentless skin is, I am quite sunburnt. Originally the plan was to camp overnight, but most of us bailed (thankfully) as torrents roared from the sky late in the night.

I've been trying to set up some life reference shots but didn't have the right stuff. I splurged today and bought a tripod, a printer (f. u. kinkos) and some colored lights. I have no photography skillz but now I can practice.

This will probably never be touched again, or then again, maybe it will. Sometimes I like the look of half finished things. Or maybe instead of eyes i will put in goldfish and instead of hair i would have fire, and I could be sitting back to back with a robot. Then, everything would be in divine order.

You get points if you caught the Judy Blume reference. 

Breaking the norms of society.

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Originally uploaded by carrisa.

I think irony is a good thing.

Best stencil ever.

I'm jealous.

Tales of an instant dum-dum

The 40 min commute is a voyeuristic experience. Traffic is often stalled and I take the time to observer my fellow commuters in their natural habitats. The two most interesting finds this morning where two men. Man #1 was driving a mid 80's Corolla which looked as though it had once been a bumper car, not a straight fender on the thing. He had his morning paper draped across the steering wheel and was doing the "I can read and drive at the same time thing".



Scary.

Man #2 was perched upon a harley davidson motorcycle. He was wearing penny loafers and spandex shorts. I couldn't figure this one out and immediately lunged for my camera, however the traffic gods were not in my favor and he sped away.



Scary.

I find myself having cases of instant stupidity. I went to the ATM yesterday to withdrawl some money. When it came time to enter my pin, I had nothing. I cannot remember a single digit. Wierd eh? I read that drug users have chemical changes that take place in their bodies when placed in certain environments (body is prepping for the drug). This is why most overdoses occur in new places. I am hoping the same will happen to me if I go to my home ATM; perhaps my lost pin will come to me.



Scary.


I am gearing up for another camping trip on the weekend this time with some canoeing. I've suddenly become the outdoors type.



Scary.

Dumpage

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No clever text.

My head exploded and all i got was this lousy tshirt

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Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

A quick watercolor dump. It's a mild Texas evening and I am off to ride my bicycle.

Spiders in the mirror and guns on my mind.

I realize I write about things that perhaps no other humans care about, but for me they are astounding and I feel that writing is a skill which must be practiced often. Diaboliqual events have transpired today which engorged my fascination. After going to the gym I began my abbreviated Sunday domestic rituals of cleaning filth. I perform this task shirtless as all clothing is in a laundry state of mind and really, that is just what boys do. Of course the domestic tasks last approximately 13 minutes before a break is needed; I grabbed the black fender acoustic guitar and headed for the back porch to briefly kick out the hard jams (I don't bridge sentences with semi colons often enough). As the sunlight cascaded upon my body, I glance down too make sure my gut was not too large (you need to keep an eye on these things), too my horror I saw something dangling in the wind. A single clear hair sprouting from my midriff dangled loosely in the breeze. It must have been growing since puberty as it was approximately seven inches long. How could I have not noticed something like this before?!? Of course I immediately plucked this foreign intruder from my body as thoughts were racing through my head. Are there others?? A quick spot check revealed nothing, although the paranoia persists. We are a culture of body maintanence and self-improvement and I am tangled in the web.