overheard at my house

E: Dude, I've got an ingrown toenail that kills.

R: .....

E: Fred, my toe is double it's normal size.

(I glance up, true enough, his big toe is gigantic and purpleish)

R: I had one once. It was so bad if I put a cover on myself at night, the pain would make me cry. I dug at it for like two weeks. Finally one I was digging and found it. I used some tweezers and with a braveheart like yell, ripped it out. Every time my heart beat blood would gush it. It felt SO good when it was gone. I just sat there, bled, and smiled.

E: Maybe I should just get my big toes removed. Do you think my balance would be thrown off??