Rainbows and gumdrops.

sketchdump98
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

A dinner quickie. As I drove home from work today a man stood on the shoulder of the highway. He was old, tall, and gangly. His bright blue overalls made a sharp contrast with the green grass covered median. His flowing white beard made reminded me of Uncle Jessie. I thought to myself, I want to draw that alabaster man. Then i thought, "Goddamn. Alabaster is a great word." Somehow it led to a girthy woman.


ps. why is hootie and the blowfish dressed as a gay cowboy on burger king commericials?

throwing anger

I'm a joiner.

Always in search of the interesting, i take classes, join groups, and try things out. Back in the Vermont days I decided that I wanted to get my ninja on and try out some martial arts.

Oh what a mistake this would turn out to be.

I found an Aikido dojo, bought a karate suit and was in business. To give you a little background on Aikido, it involves a lot of throwing, sort of judo-esque. Classes were held once a week. Then general demographic consisted of me, several 10-12 year old boys, and a gaggle of middle aged man hating women going through their first divorce.

Can you see where this is going?

Unlike jr. high sports when I was always the last picked for the team, when it came time to partner up and practice throws, I was the most popular boy on the block. You see, I became a focal point for the man haters. It seems they took the class to help take out their stress related rage.

With each throw they would put a little somethin' extra into it. Their rage was translated into neanderthal like grunts as they sent me sailing across the room. You see, Aikido is based on Newtonian physics. An object in motion will remain in motion until it encounters and equal and opposite force (the floor). For about 4 months, every Thursday morning, I would limp into work bruised and battered.

"What happened to you?"

"Sheila's ex-husband got the house."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind, its a long story."

you are getting sleepy.

Cameron Bancroft

Cameron Bancroft


This is the new Pa Ingalls. Even with a scraggly beard, he just doesn't pull of the authentic pioneer thing.

Return of the jedi.

I struck a nerve in the text to voice wars. I went were no man shouldn't and now I am reaping the consequences. (This means I won.)

I cannot be outwitted.

But now everyone is dicking with my office chair. Everytime I get up, the evil ones jack with my settings. They raise it an inch, they lower it an inch, they air up the lumbar. It's just enough to drive one insane. I need creative revenge. (It's really the only type, you know)......

sketchdump97

sketchdump97
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

All i can think of is going camping.

My diet consists entirely of Pepsi.

el cheapo
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

If your parents travelled to a fabulous destination such as the Big Apple, New York City, what sort of interesting items would they send you?


If you said a fake rolex and fake Oaklies then we may be related!


Seriously, I hope this was some sort of gag joke. Otherwise I will be forced to never reproduce. I can't afford passing on genes that may result in poor taste.

Richard_Sandrak_Little_Hercules

Richard_Sandrak_Little_Hercules
Originally uploaded by andi814.

I watched a show about this kid last night on televison. He is like 9 nine years old, and if he wanted to, he could give me the ultimate warrior press slam.
They call him, "Little Hercules".

I think an apt nickname would be, "Future lifetime in therapy because my parents made me into a child body builder" would be more adequate. He does have backstreet boy abs though.

keeping out the cretins.

This was a very grown up weekend. It wouldn't be complete without a touch of the wierdenss.
This afternoon, an easter dinner was held of which I was a willing attendee. All of us are non-native Texas with far away families and I have to admit, it was quite nice. My antisocilsim started to kick in around hour number 2 and I was devising an exit strategy when the board games were broken out.

I just can't resist trivia. It's like crack to me.

During trivia, one lady (i had never met before) looked at me and said, "You have a nice speaking voice. Would you read my monologue that I wrote?"

(Apparently she is perfomance artist.)

"I would like to hear these words come out of a male's mouth"

(I immediately know some malarchy is about to transpire)

So I stand up and begin to read what I would in a few short moments realize, is her dissertation on her first dildo buying experience. I felt as though I had been "Pearl Harbored", so I tried to make the monologue intriguing by reading in the wrong emotion than was intended.

Let me sum this up. On Easter Sunday most people go to mass and then spend time with their families. I read essays written by strangers about the purchase of purple double headed dildos.

Odd.

Moving on.

After my worst date experience ever, I have enacted a new date screening process.
It's very simple.
During the drive to the location of the date I will play my new favorite song, Loretta Lynn - portland, oregon (go listen to it now). I will casually ask what they think. If they say something like, you know, I'm really into Britney or Jessica, or something of that nature, well......the answer should be obvious.

sketchdump97

sketchdump97
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Watercolor and ink. It came out with an eerie 3d effect.

sketchdump96

sketchdump96
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Very loose.

Devoid of adventures.

sketchdump92
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Nightly sketch.

i feel. it's real. it's pretty.

sketchdump89
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

watercolor dump. Don't really like it. I've kind of been on a creativity spree this week. It is definitely over compensation.

My code is compiling. 15 minutes to go.


Wearing slacks makes me feel smart and fashionable. My socks are even black (but they don't match). I miss having montreal near-by for shopping purposes.

.

Urban Dictionary is the shit.

UrbanDictionary.com/hulk out

I signed up for their mailing list and get a new word every day. It really is pure genius.

I came home to find the branches of the tree had been disappeared. Some type of shenanigans took place while i was at work. I found this odd but quickly moved onto other things. These other things included my robotic procedure of immediately going to the mailbox.

The problem was the afore mention shenanigans affected my postal delivery system. You see, in the place where my mail box once stood was only a sad bit of twisted iron. "This day can't get any wierder!", I thought to myself.

I was wrong.


A beaten and battered mailbox laid gingerly on my front porch.

Jinkies!

This was just the clue I needed to solve the caper. Goofy speaking landlord must have struck. While trimming the tree a branch must have fallen and killed Marvin the mailbox.

For now I am going to leave it as it is, for a social experiment of course. I want to see if the mailman will still use it. 

A quick sketch for a project idea........ I found a quote while reading and it stuck with me.

And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvelous, seven angels having the seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God, Revelation 15:1. 

quickie watercolor. all day i felt like my soul was being sucked out of me. 

TTS Interactive Demo

TTS Interactive Demo


Use this at your own risk. I started a war today, which quickly turned ugly and ferocious. (Keep in mind, I sit in a jumbo-cube).

Fun with my hometown newspaper

The couple chose to buck the system by not choosing the traditional front to back pose and instead decided to go with the what is known in the biz as "the arm wrestler".

p.s. when she takes his name her initials will be v.d.

p.s.s. I have no doubt that I am going to hell for this.

Smells like yummy

Picture 001
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

The stink knocked him out.

i'm full of goodness.

I saw 2 rainbows yesterday. They were stacked.

Then i listened to this:

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Murder Ballads.

It's dark. Real dark. I cannot think of any other musicians that do the same stuff as this guy.
It's definitely different, but you owe it to yourself to listen. The curse of Milhaven is my fav.

more on captain slow's wicked philosophy

sketchdump87
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

The wacky wall walker was the worst cereal box prize of all time. You threw it against the wall, and as gravity took hold, it slowly made it's way down picking up every hair and piece of dirt on it's way. By the time you retrieved it, it was covered with yuck and would never stick to anything again.

This is hot. I want one. Ideally if I could find a basket case for 2500 bucks or so (frame, motor, and tins)...then i could spend the next 4 years of my life restoring it. I wonder if parts are hard to find?? 

It doesn't look like that in the picture.

I woke up Saturday CRAVING a #2 combo from McDonalds.
So indulged myself. You know how when you go someplace with lines, you scan them first to find a quick moving one, examining both customers and the retail associate?

I chose poorly.

In front of me was a heavy set man of girthy proportions. He made his order, and then with the speed of a sloth, counted out exact change. I quickly then made my order, paid, and retreated to the rear of the herd awaiting my meal.

Captain slow's meal arrived first, a big breakfast platter. He examined it by moving his head very, very close to the tray. He then picked up the tray and held it at eye's level, comparing it to the picture on the sign above. At this point, my level of intrigue is sky-high and I have all but forgotten about the emptiness in my stomach.

"The picture has more eggs. I want my money back", Captain Slow slowly said.

I was in shock.

Needless to say, he was right, but Jesus Christ man, it's a McDonalds. What do you really expect?

I sat down to eat my meal but the good Captain's philosphy had it eerie grips upon me. How many times in life do we get things that really don't turn out like the picture on the box? When I was a kid, GI Joe had these bomb-ass commercials where a desert scene was set up with the Joes vs. the Cobra's. You nearly creamed your pants in anticipation of what would happen. Of course, you bought the Destro figure at Wal-Mart, brought it home, twisted it's 4 moveable joints for 5 minutes before you realized it sucked. Then you just pulled the arms off.

I think as a kid you are more optimistic, but once in adult-hood, your just sorta beat down from the whole experience.

That is unless, your name is Captain Slow.

gone fishin

ed: have you heard the term Noodlin?
Ruel: noodlin
Ruel: no please define.
ed noodling. it is the art of fishing for catfish with your hands. it is done in the midwest.
Ruel: we just called it fishin'
Ruel: but we use nets called "trot lines"
Ruel: its quite the subculture.
ed: it is with bare hands.
Ruel: no way with the bare hands, you could get "gilled" (thats when you get cut by the fins)
ed: people jump in the rivers where the catfish are burrough in and put a rope through its gills. the catfish weigh 40 pounds.
Ruel: yeah, we caught the big ones. i have picture from when i was like 8 standing next to catfish that were hung up. They were longer than me.
Ruel: The big ones don't taste so good.
Ruel: I think they eat poop.
ed: i saw an article in chicago about this. http://www.cabelas.com/information/cabelas-field-guides/Catfish-Techniques/Noodling-for-Catfish-The-Ultimate-Thrill-in-Fishing.html
Ruel: thats hardcore. ah, cabelas. I used to get that magazine at my house. Did you know they sell bottled deer piss? You rub it on yourself before you go hunting. That way you attract the big bucks.
ed: that is womyn only a country girl can like. maybe that is a prerequsite for a good girl in indiana.
Ruel: i don't know. i was never really into smearing myself with piss, then climbing up in a tree at 4 am in the winter, sitting for hours in hopes of blasting something with a gun. I do have friends who swear by it though.
ed: I know. I was the only asian kid in town. my parents never hunted. I was so out of the oridnary. check out my local home newspaper. http://www.im-news.com/
Ruel: is that your hometown newspaper??
ed: where I grew up. it is so hick. i read the sheriff log on a weekly basis.
Ruel: hell yeah
ed: it just came on-line 3 months ago. T1 lines don't go into rural towns.
Ruel: i get mine delivered here in austin. Whenever it shows up, its a fight over reading it. We read the marriage announcements and sherrif's log. There ALWAYS people we know committing heinous crimes and marrying heinous people.
ed: I am at a stage in life where the kids of my friends are making the newspaper.
Ruel: omg.
ed: lots of teenage preganancies
Ruel: i guess where your frends start crankin the little bastards out at 15 that happens

funny conversation

Harrada-san: Ruel-san, do you know maroon 5?

ME: Of course. They are famous.

Harrada-san: I meet.

Me: You saw them at the rodeo?

Harrada-san: No, I meet. They sit next at LA airport. Then they sit next on airplane. They very nice. Here, I have picture.

(at this point i see like 10 photos of her posing with Maroon 5).

Me: Holy shit. That's crazy.

Harrada-san: Hai! Very crazy.

 

In general, I am not usually a fan of tattoos. However, this one is utterly cool. If only i could handle the pain..... 

sketchdump85

sketchdump85
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

A fat man on the subway. The picture is grainy which adds to the appeal.

sketchdump84

sketchdump84
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Fast, but i like the way it came out. There is no truth only perspective.

newtshirt

newtshirt
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I ordered it off the internet yesterday. It was in mailbox today. The design makes me cringe with jealousy.

One can find love in the most random of places

I didn't have an older brother. Thus the role of older brotherly abuse fell into the laps of the eldest siblings of my friends. One of my first memories of being abused by an older non-brother of mine was around the junior high era. I spent the night with a buddy whose home did not have central a.c. His room had an window unit, but his older brother's did not and it was a muggy indiana night on the second floor of that home. Around 2 a.m. the door burst open and the older brother and 2 of his compadres entered the room (reaking of Jim Beam Bourbon whiskey), picked us up and threw us onto the floor.

"Get out. We are sleeping in here".

My face contorted into a hideous grin. I was ecstatic to be picked up on in such a fashion. Those guys were hilarious and they were COOL. They would charge us exhorberant (sp?) amounts for cigarettes and beer and we happily complied. We even got to ride in the brown 70's model camaro.

Everyone grew up though. The older brother got married. Then his wife left him for a woman.

One of those boys participated in a gang bang. Somewhere in that sweaty spectacle, he must have fallen in love as he later married the girl.

You might find this odd, but I suppose, I really don't.

i want to be like poncherello

this is a great evan story he recounted while making dinner tonight:

Man, I was sitting outside at work today with the girls for a smoke break. This slammin hot chick walks by, and she was carryin' a big ol' cake. She looked at me and smiled. I looked at the cake and said, "Man I shore would like a piece of that." She said, "It's yummy", and then walked inside. I looked over at the girls and said, "The cake looked good too."

About that time fred ran into the house from the backyard. Evan walked into the living room and screamed. "OMG, there's a turd hanging halfway out his ass and he is trying to eat it!" "He ate all that vomit and now he has a big hairy vomit turd!" We immediately grabbed the box of scooby snacks and dumped a pile on the porch. I am guessing scooby snacks taste better than vomit turds as he bolted for the door. We locked him out. Turd eating is banned up in here.

chinese food bloats me.

sketchdump79

sketchdump79
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I did this a while ago, but I just found it. Today i am worried about identity theft.

The lights have burned out and I have no replacement bulbs.

a little bit of details tonight. the skirt is getting there slowly.  

I'm feeling random tonight so this is all over the place.

I am either very ritualistic or borderline OCD. Before I paint I need my ipod, hospital scrubs, a wife - beater shirt, my black weezer glasses, and prickly Adidas sandles. Don't ask me why, I just do. I spent 10 minutes looking for my black weezer glasses tonight, i was beginning to perspire and becoming frantic. I checked the bathroom, a likely place, glanced in the mirror, and realized......yes friends, you guessed it, i was wearing them. I am quite sure this is the onset of Alzheimers at the tender young age of 27.

My neck beard and man beard must be in love because they are beginning to slowly move towards each other. I am going to halt this courtship by any means possible.

New obsession: Threadless
This is a great business model. It's a t-shirt company. They hold contests where artists submit ideas. People then vote on them, they then make shirts for sale out of the winners. I ordered 7 today.

Buying white underwear was a mistake. What was i thinking?

I had a dream last night I was attacked by a thwack-yack monster. It made horrible yacky noises and chased me with knives. When i woke up and placed my foot on the lime green carpet it felt mushy, moist and hairy. I grimaced and looked down to see my foot in the center of 17 gallons of dog vomit.

Yuck.

I asked fred why he puked on my floor directly next to the bed when he had the whole house at his disposal. He said he had a case of the mondays. I couldn't really argue with him.

Stuffo "Finding The A-team: A Stuffo Experiment"

Stuffo "Finding The A-team: A Stuffo Experiment"


You will either immediately understand the sheer genius of this social experiment, or I am afraid to say, you are a dullard.

the proportions are all wrong, but by cleverly cropping, you can't tell.  

the thing i like most about my life is being able to do this on sundays. 

the zombie survival guide

I rolled over this morning to a sunburn, a mild hangover, and the aching feeling of being beaten up. If I would have sat up in bed and reached for a cigarette, it would have almost been a poetic moment, but I don't smoke. Yesterday was a completely random day and oh do I love days like that even if they injure my body. After showering Saturday morning, I opened the drawer which holds my skivvies and was a little. 2 pairs of underwear (both had more holes than cloth) and 3 socks (none of which matched). It was clear that I had really only one clear objective for Saturday, which was to buy some new socks & underwear.

After gingerly dorking around the house for a bit and going to the library, I sheepishly made my way to Target. I quickly did my shopping and was checking out.

111 dollars.

I am a boy and just spent 111 dollars on t-shirts, socks, and underwear. My ego is somewhat bruised. deflated. About that time the phone rings. "Hey, I want to give you some info on the movie tonight. Meet me at this address at 5:30", the caller says. The wierdness of the day is casually taking shape.

My next stop was a dodgeball match in the park. The weather was utterly beautiful, and a few nights ago, over coffee, I met a fellow native Hoosier. He recounted tales of glorious Saturday dodgeball matches in the park. This is something I simply could not pass up. For 3 hours under the watching texas sun, we threw big red balls adorned with skulls and crossbones at each other. It was quite the eclectic group of people, lots of punkers and also a contingent of deaf people (who kicked our asses). While I still am horribly unathletic and took a mean shot to the beak, it was a total blast.

Rewind to Friday at a place called the "Catfish Parlour" where I am having lunch with some coworkers. One of the kids says, "I am shooting a scene for a film this weekend and I need some extras. Wanna help out?" "Heck yes I do!"

I show up to this swank house not really knowing what to expect. It was a very interesting night. About 20 people are present, a few are friends of this guy but most are local actors and actresses that he found. It was eerily professionalbut SO fun. He shoots his movie scenes and everyone is making nice and having chit-chat. I had hoped to be home by 9 as my entire body was stiffening up from being pelted with rubber balls all day, this wasn't to be. The shooting had no end in sight but I was coereced to leave around 10. My night ended hours later in a dive bar with a good jupebox selection surrounded by really interesting people whom I had just met hours before.

Satan possessed fred (or we squirted him with water in order to take funny pictures of him) 

scenes from the park today. 

sketchdump76

sketchdump76
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

seriously, i am banning myself from coffee past 8 pm. it makes me vigilantly hyperactive.

sketchdump77

sketchdump77
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

late night sketch while watching an hbo documentary about ladies of the night.

Sunny days.

meandfred
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I don't usually post pictures of myself as it they are usually horrific. The medical term for the disease is unphotogenicitis goofy-lookicus. A friend took this last saturday and she sent it to me today, and I have to be honest. I think i can pull of a white v-neck quite well.

Earlier this week I was reading a David Sedaris book, and a particular passage stuck with me as it seemed appropriate to recent experiences. I quote:

A light rain began to fall, and just as I cleared my thraot, Venus squatted in the grass, producing a mound of peanut-size turds.
"Aren't you going to clean that up?" I asked.
Paul pointed to the ground and whistled for the Great Dane, which thundered across the lawn and ate the feces in one bite.
"Tell me that was an accident," I said.
"Accident, hell. I got this motherfucker trained," he said. "Sometimes he'll stick his nose to her ass and just eat that shit on tap."
"I thought of my brother standing in his backyard and trainng a dot to eat shit and realized I'd probably continue thinking about it until the day I die. Forget the tears and brotherly speeches, this was the stuff that memories are made of.

surrealnight

surrealnight
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Quick watercolor goodness to ease the rage.

showing up for the beating

I don't usually get angry about much. Being cynical is just a given, but overall rage & fury? Not too often. Maybe once or twice a year.

Today is the first one in a long time. Certain events have transpired (a culmination of petty irks) as of late. Nothing major. It is simple things like the light police following me from room to room and bugging me turn off the electricity.

Today the proverbial straw was layed across this camel's back and I sit absolutely livid and frothing.

This was quick and dirty, but I hit a creative spurt tonight and couldn't stop. 

If you ever did time in a trailer and survived it unscathed, you end up like me, a really paranoid guy. My gut instict is that I will die from some type of natural disaster (something the insurance companies would call "an act of god"), my assumption is that it will be surrounded by chubby businessmen wearing kakhis as I plummet to my death from 35,000 feet thinking, "goddamnit, i knew it would go down this way." On top of that, if i die on business, my little bro gets a cool mil in insurance money. You might as well just hit a guy square in the nuts with a snowshovel and then send him to his death.

Moving on.

If you read regularly you may know i'm a renter. We don't do housework. It's not that we are incapable, it's just that we are lazy. We also don't call our landlord for anything as that would require us to do a code-red level cleaning of the abode. It's really just not worth the effort and also he is a goofy talker. When he moved he gave us his new address 3 times. Each time it was wrong and then he would call and goofy talk me asking why he didn't get the rent. I would read him the address and he would say, "nope, that - ah - is - ah - not -ah it." Then he would give me a new one. If you examine the trees in my front yard, you will notice that almost every branch is split, broken, or shredded. We have sort of a death pool going on when the big boy will drop (it's toward the center of the yard). After a pretty good day, I drove home and my day just got that much better. In the place where I usually park laid a big branch (I didn't even know it was about to fall). It surely would played havoc upon my the hood of my automobile. So by attending work today, my life was improved. This does not happen often. I have no doubt there will be a log laying across the roof of my 4x4 tomorrow morning.