keeping out the cretins.

This was a very grown up weekend. It wouldn't be complete without a touch of the wierdenss.
This afternoon, an easter dinner was held of which I was a willing attendee. All of us are non-native Texas with far away families and I have to admit, it was quite nice. My antisocilsim started to kick in around hour number 2 and I was devising an exit strategy when the board games were broken out.

I just can't resist trivia. It's like crack to me.

During trivia, one lady (i had never met before) looked at me and said, "You have a nice speaking voice. Would you read my monologue that I wrote?"

(Apparently she is perfomance artist.)

"I would like to hear these words come out of a male's mouth"

(I immediately know some malarchy is about to transpire)

So I stand up and begin to read what I would in a few short moments realize, is her dissertation on her first dildo buying experience. I felt as though I had been "Pearl Harbored", so I tried to make the monologue intriguing by reading in the wrong emotion than was intended.

Let me sum this up. On Easter Sunday most people go to mass and then spend time with their families. I read essays written by strangers about the purchase of purple double headed dildos.

Odd.

Moving on.

After my worst date experience ever, I have enacted a new date screening process.
It's very simple.
During the drive to the location of the date I will play my new favorite song, Loretta Lynn - portland, oregon (go listen to it now). I will casually ask what they think. If they say something like, you know, I'm really into Britney or Jessica, or something of that nature, well......the answer should be obvious.