Raoul, the hyper sexual french cowboy.

I like interesting characters.

I met a friend at a local bar last night for drinks. Seated next to him was a skinny cowboy he looked to be about 50 or so, and middle aged skanky looking girl. The skinny cowboy had on too tight black pants, a big cowboy hat, a red cowboy shirt with the sleeves rolled up to mid bicep and looked to retain all of his baby teeth.

Within a few minutes of sitting down the skanky lady asked my name. "Ruel", I replied. "Ruel, this Raoul!" she said as got the attention of the skinny cowboy. The skinny cowboy began speaking with a strong accent. He was very tan and looked somewhat hispanic but the accent threw me. It turns out he was from France. At this point I didn't get many more words in edge wise.

Raoul, the skinny french cowboy began telling me his story. He is a former computer programmer who now is a fence salesman. We conversed a bit about programing and he suddenly leaps up and and starts prancing around. "I was the 1968 olympic bronze medal winner in fencing at the Mexico City games.", he said while showing me his striking position.

This is where the wierdness sets in. Raoul jumps into a 14 minute soliloque about the clitoris. I won't go into gruesome detail here, but it was very detailed and included a physical demonstration with his tounge. He then said something about the number two and dashed off to the bathroom.

"Josh, this is the wierdest bar night I have ever been privy to," I said to my friend. After 10 or 15 minutes passed I said, "I think Raoul is taking a dump in the bar bathroom. He has been in there for a really long time." In fact, he didn't come out for a half an hour and gave no explanation.

Raoul began asking us a series of very personal questions. I retaliated one of the question by giving it back to him. "Raoul, how many girls have you been with?"
"Over two thousand.", he quickly replied. Josh chimed in with, "Ah, the French Wilt Chamberlain." "I am 56 years old and started at 16. Do the math, it works out to 40 or so a year. Thats only about 4 a month. That's very easy."

Raoul left to dance and we departed in silence. "That was too wierd."

Needless to say I looked up olympic results today but could find no mention of the skinny french cowboy.

The dryer tire.

DSCN2255
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I am now on top of the bell curve. 

The long winding rode to adulthood.

Approximately 4 weeks ago we laid off our grass mower man (he was jipping us). Since then, we have been at the mercy of the grass which has slowly reached towards the heavens at a creeping pace. Not wanting to be neighborhood outcasts, it was decided that we needed to purchase a lawnmower.

I really despise things like this mainly due to the fact that I don't like to own things all that much. Anyway, the need one out and it was time for a trip to home depot. Rich with a white trash background I know more about lawn mowers than one might gather at first glance. For instance, a briggs and stratton motor requires approx 3/4 of a quart of oil and if you put the oil cap on too tight and use a screwdriver to get it off, it is sure to break.

So we made it to home depot and began the selection process.

"This one is the cheapest. Let's get it".

"It's a piece of shit. It has a briggs and stratton motor. They are shit."

"I know, but we won't take of it anyway, so it doesn't really matter".

"Good point."

So we wheel the lawnmower which I have named "Tony the Goose" to the cash register. On the way there a home depot associate approaches me.

HDS: "Would you like to save fifty dollars?"

R: "Yes, but only if it does not involve signing up for a credit card."

HDS: "Well, all you have to do is sign up. Then you can cancel it. What's the problem? You are saving fifty dollars. Plus purchases for the home are tax deductible."

R: "If I was really saving fifty dollars I am quite sure home depot wouldn't be offering it. I think you fail to understand the concept of credit. HD counts on the fact that I won't cancel the card and that initial 50 dollars will be earned back many times over, a little each month."

(really, i am just too lazy to cancel cards, I know this from experience)

HDS: ...... (walks away)

elevator impulses

Every morning i ride the elevator from the first to second floor, even though I know I should take the stairs. If people walk in the front doors shortly after me, I hurry, hoping to take the elevator trip up alone. I think its awkard sharing that confined space with a stranger. What if the lift was to malfunction and we were to get stuck?

Nightmares.

scared of fred
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

evan all knocked out and shit b&w

evan all knocked out and shit b&w
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I couldn't resist playing with this picture a little bit. I made it grainy, because everyone likes a little grainy now and again. I'm going to take it too kinko's (they're still a jip) and blow it up really big. Then i'll doing something with it. I just don't know what.

My summer girl.

day 7
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

This is the last of my happy paintings. Not that I am unhappy, but I want to disturbing paintings that cause diahrrea. It's my ultimate goal.

I really need to go to art school. Really.

evan all knocked out and shit

evan all knocked out and shit
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

This photo ensures that my throat will be slit while I slumber on some random night. I cannot resist though as I have the utmost envy for those who can fall asleep in nearly position or situation. Me? I need 68 degrees, a fan on medium speed and sheets that have been washed no more than 6 days ago. If all of the above conditions are not met, it is an insomniacs paradise for me.

I like the colors. It works.

no longer scared of the ball.

sketchdump142
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

fred's bowl

fred's bowl
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

He likes the frosty treats.

Here is why my house is cool. You come home from a day at in the roly poly office chair slightly haggard and somewhat crosseyed from staring at small laptop screen for 9 hours. A slightly pungent scent fills your nostrils but you quickly adjust and head to the kitchen for an ice cold pepsi. The orange dog is hastily slurping water from his bowl, however, something is amiss. There is a klanky sound. Further inspection reveals 24 half melted ice cubes floating in his bowl. I'm not sure why, but the tattoed brother insists on filling the dog bowl with brita and giving him ice cubes as well. He claims that the canine likes it better. This isn't an abnormal occurance, I guess it's just the way we roll around here. 

This is tempting

It just smells of adventure:

Adventure awaits

Bark collision.

It's funny how as we grow older we block out certain bad memories. Let's say for example, you were absolutely horrible at pee-wee league baseball. It is conceivable then that you have replaced these memories with ones where you are not quite so bad. Hell, maybe even average. Then let's say you join a softball team . Despite aiming at a person and throwing the ball directly towards them the ball repeatedly veers 56 feet to the and 43 feet above them. Then let's say you are playing outfield (cause outfield is for people who suck, you can do the least amount of damage there) and you are running backwards hoping to catch a fly ball that you know you won't catch. At the last second you turn and

BAM!

You run into the 1 tree near the outfield. Then let's say it leaves a big scab. Luckily you have a diskempt hair style which hides it though. That's always a plus.

The next day you may feel slightly inclined to pain when moving. Luckily you spend 10 hours in an office chair which your butt, after four years, has taken the shape of.  

No title.

Picture 534
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Rainy sundays are the best days ever.

fat men squatting

sketchdump140
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Sumo.

Sumo.

I can get you some work.

Friday Night. 1:07 a.m.

Not wanting to sit home tonight, but not feeling like an extravagant evening, I hastily assembled a crew to head to my favorite dive bar, aptly named, Barfly's. This place is the best. The crowd has a sort of indie feel too it. I even dragged the tattooed brother along. On the drive home, we were discussing his unfinished tattoos.

I'm the kind of guy who likes to always have a backup plan and also a backup for my backup.

R: You know, the other night I was thinking if was ever in dire need, I could become a tattoo artist.

E: Do you think you could finish my tattoos?.

R: Hell yeah. If you buy a tattoo gun and stuff, I will tattoo you. I get to wear a wifebeater shirt and I want to take some pictures of me doing though. That would be priceless.

E: Yeah!!! I am hyped. I'm gonna get a tattoo gun off ebay. We could do some crazy shit. I think i could get you some work with some of my friends.

R: We could tattoo fred.

E: He would never stand for it.

R: He needs the Tupac "Thug Life" tat across his stomach.

E: OMG. Your gonna finish my sleeve and give me another one.

R: You realize we are geniuses. Maybe we could found the first corporate tattoo chain.

E: We could specialize in lower back tattoos for girls.

Furley's revenge.

sketchdump138
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Some days deliver the awesome.

Rolling onto blackhawk drive I noticed a small red pickup truck in front of my house. "Fuckin' a. It's goofy talking landlord.", I thought to myself. Putting the SUV in park I took a brief moment and collected my thoughts. Non-sense was about to embrace me, and I needed to be ready.



Goofy talk walks over and looks at me for about 48 seconds.



"Uh, I am uh thinkin uh uhaboutuh paiting uh the house uh.", he mumbled in goofinesss.



"Um, ok. You need a summer project or something?", I asked.



"Um uh you guys uh been watering uh the yard?", he quickly replied.


I glanced around the yard. A few small patches of green were hiding amidst brown dead grass.


"Of course." Then I walked inside.
Immediately my brother walks past me and says, "Uh, I am uh thinkin uh uhaboutuh paiting uh the house uh.", in a dead on impression (he has mad voice skillz). "He's been out there walking around for 20 minutes looking at the house.

Senior photos and bad choices.

seniorphoto
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I suppose I am genetically pre-dispososed to keep things in odd places. After all, my family keeps smoke detectors and books in the dishwasher that doesn't work.

I cracked open an old guitar case tonight and stumbled across this gem. Yes, dear friends, this is indeed a high school senior photo. I have photo proof of my white trash background.

As a boy in the southern indiana area you really had 3 choices for the high school photo:

a) photo of you with guns
b) photo of you with sports memorabilia
c) photo of you with camaro or jacked up 4x4

As I had pawned off my shotgun for a car stereo and sucked at sports I obviously chose option c. That being said.

Yes, I am a former camaro owner. Yes, it's a shameful dirty secret. The chevy camaro is quite possibly the shitties vehicle ever to roll off lines of Detroit. I purchased my turd tan 84 Z28 with 103,000 miles on it at the tender of age of 15. Immediately, I had to bling it out.

Speakers, limo tint, and blackouts all around, as well as a sticker on the windshield that said "bad boy" , rounded out the package. (This is so embarresing).

Something on the car broke about once a week (and i wrecked it like 5 times) so every Sunday was spent working on it. A transmission mount was broken, so every time I gunned it to do a burnout the transmission actually hopped up and hit the floorboard. If your arm was touching the console it kind of hurt. It had the t-top option. This meant everytime it rained water dripped onto you. To go through a power car wash required 2 people and towels, otherwise you would be drenched. The rear hatch could not support it's own weight, so I used a crowbar to prop it up. I eventually slammed the hatch on top of the crow bar, shattering the window.

Eventually I crashed the car one too many times. I then purchased an even shittier car, a LUMINA.

However, I am happy to report I no longer make poor automobile (or haircut) choices.

stuff to save

Overspray Magazine

Experimentation

sketchdump137
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Starting on the background. This was a semi wasted weekend. I was mostly lethargic and complacent and pretty much did zilch. We did go look at a few houses though. I ended up spending the majority of my time reading a book about the kidnapping of the Lindburgh baby.  

Like squirrels, we eat a lot of nuts around here. The problem is, the nut cans are like 60% peanuts. It never fails, you grab the nut can, open it, and all the good nuts are gone. All that is left is 3/4 a can of peanuts. On my trip to the store last monday I was walking down the nut aisle to get some nuts. Lo and behold a new brand was sitting on the shelf. What did it say? No PEANUTS!!!!

Last night, I broke out my treasure.

R: Look what I got.

E: Nuts?

R: Check it out, motherfucker. No peanuts.

E: Fucking shit! Where did you get those?

R: HEB.

R: Are you jealous?

E: Man, no peanuts fucking rock.  

Dog repellant.

Picture 488
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Not owning a dining table, or chairs, dinner in my home served on the coffee table. However, we have an orange hunger that roams around and gets aggressive on the last bite. The only recourse we have is to wedge pillows between the coffee table and couch. You see dear friends, I beat this dog severely when he was a puppy with a pillow. Now, they are like kryptonite too him. They repel him like the two bad ends of a magnet.

sketchdump135

sketchdump135
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Playing with some colored paper. I bought a bunch of gesso stuff and have been tinting some handmade paper I have. This turned out ok.

the screaming in the trees.

I'm highly motivated today. There is a pretty rich collection of people out there in internet-ville who do stuff like me. One of my favorites is a photographer from Canada. She takes some great pictures, one of which I based a painting off of. I showed the finish piece and got some nice comments which you can see here:


Comment page



Here is the original picture


Tori



And here are some great photos you should check out.
Stradavari's photos

 

if i had a firetruck.

If i had a firetruck I would drive around my neighborhood. I would pull up to the crowd of people letting off fireworks who are disturbing my ghost story reading. Then I would pull out the firehose and douse them with a torrent of water the likes of which have not been seen since the days of noah.




I had an idea for an invention today. I want a to make a giant curvy straw. That way I could have a coke in my cupholder of my truck. The straw would go from my mouth to the coke and would have to be bendy. Then i could drive without holding the coke. I think it's brilliant.

Punkers

sketchdump133
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Some punkers I saw at the pool today.

Mixed media.

Picture 472
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

We went to the springs today.

filthy living room

filthy living room
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I went to dinner with some of my favorite people tonight. When I came home I was shocked and dismayed to find that vandals had ransacked my living room leaving behind semi neatly folder laundry and rubbish. Well, the laundry is mine, I must admit. The rubbish? Honest to god I have no idea if it was the work of the orange dog or the tattoo riddled brother.

The crystal meth highway

It was a busy week in the warrick county court proceedings section of the paper. The word "meth" was mentioned at least 37 times. Scary.

We have a contest in my house every week for who can find the most people we know. Novels are often written about great men but just the same, I think I could write an entertaining one about those who don't quite fall into that category. Stan Bedsole. This is one human who truly embodies the stigma of mysterious. To be honest, most of what I know about this guy is myth, but I will try to lay some facts down.

Even in the world of trailer parks you have a pecking order. Some trailer parks are nice, they have double wides. Some trailer parks are dilapidated and broken. That's where I met Stan for the first time. I was around 16 or so, I remember because I was driving. A friend coerced me into taking him to the worst of the worst trailer parks in time. I can't remember why but I assume for beer or drugs.

"When we go in, don't look at this guy in the eye. He'll kill you or something.", my friend said. We walked into sad trailer and found Stan sitting on the couch with 10 or hunting knives sitting next to him. He was taking the knives one by one and throwing them into the opposing wall. His girlfriend was laying on the couch with her head in his lap. I would find out later that this was a normal occurance. Wherever he went his girlfriend sat with her head in his lap.

Wierd.

Stan looked out the window. "You driving the tan camaro?" he asked. "Yes." I shakily replied being careful not to look him in the eye. "I have one just like it."

Parked next to me in the parking lot was a car identical to mine........except it was the mad max version. It looked like it had survived a nucleur fallout, but just barely.

That was it. We left, but little did I know I was now marked for life. For the next four years at random times a mad max like camaro would pull up next to me. I would glance over and see Stan, complete with girlfriend's head in lap. "Hey! You want to sell your dashboard?."

"Ummm.......no?

"Shit!!!!" And the camaro would squeal off. We had a few other chance meetings throughout the years. I'm sure the myth was overstated and he was probably an alright guy, but I have no doubts that he was one strange dude.  

Next painting

day 1
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I cranked this off in about 15 minutes. I want to do some kids, I found a sweet halloween picture on flickr and will use it for the model. This is really large, probably 4.5 feet wide or so....

Upscale white trash.

day 11
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Done. Finally.

Not my best, that's the way it goes. Now I am going to paint some kids.

I have to say the that the pants simply rock. Those are the best folds I have every done. This one is almost done. Just need to fix the background up and then I can lean it agains the wall next to all the other stuff I do.

I flew home late last night. I was stuck in the window seat next to a man who reeked of too much cologne and who spent the entire flight hitting on the girl next to him. I also had to pee the entire time, but I held it. I don't know why.

A 3 day weekend is exactly what I needed. I am going to go start back at the gym, go to borders and read comic books, and go swimming at Barton Springs, and maybe even get a sunburn.

Seriously, those folds fucking rock.