Like squirrels, we eat a lot of nuts around here. The problem is, the nut cans are like 60% peanuts. It never fails, you grab the nut can, open it, and all the good nuts are gone. All that is left is 3/4 a can of peanuts. On my trip to the store last monday I was walking down the nut aisle to get some nuts. Lo and behold a new brand was sitting on the shelf. What did it say? No PEANUTS!!!!

Last night, I broke out my treasure.

R: Look what I got.

E: Nuts?

R: Check it out, motherfucker. No peanuts.

E: Fucking shit! Where did you get those?

R: HEB.

R: Are you jealous?

E: Man, no peanuts fucking rock.