Stale bread, darkness, and vampires - a short summary of life.

Do you ever lose some trivial things and you find yourself in a near state of madness searching for them?

It happens to me, often. I recently lost a prized possession, my very suave black framed glasses. I noticed this a few days ago, but being the sort of person who loses things often, I didn't pay it much attention. However, after three days my mild OCD and panic has set in. I began my search tonight. In this case, a search requires a thorough removal of trash of which my glasses could be hiding under. Also coupled with the fact all of our light bulbs our burned. I have to move the automotive spotlight with me from room to room. It gets real hot and burns my fingers. Even after trash removal and four burned digits, my glasses are still in hiding.

The panic worsens.

R: "HEY! WAKE UP!"

E: "UGNSDGSGGSDG"

R: "DID YOU BORROW MY GLASSES AND LOSE THEM?" (Yes, this situation has happened prior)

E: "SDFSFDSFSDF"

E: "asasfsdleave me alone trying to sleepsdfasdfds"

(It's 8:10 pm)

Some time ago my brother was bitten by a vampire. Due to this, he sleeps during day light hours and comes out only after the sun has vanished from the sky.

Back to my search.

3 hours of my life are gone looking for my glasses. I've given up and consoled myself with the fact that I can buy some new ones. Being out of food, I succumbed to a craving for a quarter pounder. At the drive through I brush some trash off my seat. There, smiling at me, are my black framed glasses.

Once again, my soul can rest.

Dirty Dirty Dirty Secrets

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes, late at night, I watch the home shopping network.

Sometimes, I get tempted to call.

Sometimes, I even dial, but hang up real quick.

What product has this strange pull over me you ask? There is only one, dear friends, and it consists of one word.



Esteban.

That's right, the mysterious man in black. I cannot explain it. Maybe it is the dark hypnotic voice, or maybe the pony tail, or maybe the wide brim mortal kombat hat, but I am seriously intrigued.

I have already decided that I will be Esteban for Halloween. Yes, yes, I know this is genius.

But seriously, this guy is odd. He's from Pittsburgh and he dresses like el Zorro.

They have a contest on his website where the winner gets a personal guitar lesson from Esteban. How awesome is that?? I would secretly tape record it of course.

But back to the HSN. For 198 bones this is what you get:

http://www.estabanguitar.com/

They even throw in an Esteban polishing cloth. I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds nasty to me. I am one moment of weakness away from an order....

sketchdump155

sketchdump155
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Life drawing class.

I'm a little rusty.
She was a little busty.

sketchdump153

sketchdump153
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

A friend got was busted operating a meth lab out of his garage. I got a hold of the newspaper clipping and hit had a rocking pic of a guy in a chemical suit. I sketched it out for possible use in something...

The search for Spock

I wrote sometime back about how I discovered that Leonard Nimoy was now a photographer and had did an exhibition with (ahem) females of the larger persuasion. I stopped into the library last weekend to reload some books. My library searching scheme is a fine art which I have perfected. Here is how it goes in chronological order:

1) Graphic novels
2) New releases
3) Art & music
4) True Crime
5) Fiction

I don't bother with the online search. I like to find the random gems. This week was an exceptional treat, I stumpled upon Leonard Nimoy's autobiography. Granted, I have some sci-fi nerdiness going on, but it was still pretty good. You will be shocked to know that he quite the career as a director including the eighties mega hit, "Three men and a baby." Thats right, starring Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame.

There now.

You learned something today.

I've spent every night this weeking learning 80's heavy metal hair band songs. Now I can't stop singing.

Wooster Collective : Stickers / Posters / Graf / Culture Jamming

This painting owns:


http://www.woostercollective.com/images2/wayneh1.jpg

A hand, the eyes and her hair. That's all thats left. I'm anxious for completion, but then again, I guess I am sort of anxious in general. 

sketch dump 148

sketch dump 148
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

It happened today. Some moments are pristine.

Overheard in my house

E: I woke up at midnight last night and stayed up till 5. I was dead today.

R: What did you do?

E: Death wish 4 came on. I was like, "Oh yeah!"

R: Lucky!

E: Is that the new standard (hometown newspaper)?

R: Yeah. Check out the police reports, see if there is anyone we know.

E: K. Mom said Preacher J. got running a meth lab. She always tells me how good he is doing.

E: Here's one. Jeremmy Clark. Remember him?

R: He was a punker who worked at Hardee's right?

E: Yeah, real ugly mother fucker. He used to always give me the senior citizens discount.

R: What did he get?

E: Driving while intoxicated, faulty taillights, refusing breathalyzer. Those guys always get drunk and drive around in shitty cars.

R: He was nice, but he was really ugly. All the ugly punkers worked at Hardees.

E: I'm glad we bought a lawnmower. We've saved 140 bucks already.

R: Eh? We've used it once. The grass is knee high.

E: Yeah, but if that dude was still doing it he would have mowed like 4 times by now.

R: I want to customize it. It needs some skulls and flames.

sketchdump150

sketchdump150
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

sketchdump151

sketchdump151
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

sketchdump152

sketchdump152
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Busy beavers

sketchdump149
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I am currently in an activity upswing and haven't been around much. I finally found a volleyball team and have also joined a christian softball team where we hold hands and pray before the game. Over the past weekend I was away camping. This is my explanation for no material.

This little gem was scored from a nightmare. I dreamt that a transexual mortgage agent came to my door in the wintertime and offered to help me get a mortgage. I let her/him in and we did some work. Then she/he excused herself to another room where like the big bad wolf she shed her disguise. I yelled for my brother to get the "wonder twins" (this is code for get your guns and start shooting) but the transexual mortgage agent shot him in the head. Luckily the LA swat team burst through the windows, the agent then turned the gun, shouted "Fuck you fat-fifty.com" and shot himself/herself in the head. This is what it looked like complete with frame, painted on moustache and devil horns.

It was sort of wierd.

sketchdump148

sketchdump148
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Sketch 3: A scary little guy who likes to bite toenails, but no longer can.

sketchdump146

sketchdump146
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Sketch 2: Many sketches. That fat man singing I saw at Karaoke night at a small bar where I met Raoul, the hypersexual french cowboy.

sketchdump147

sketchdump147
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

Sketch 1: A lady. Very fast.

Savage beast.

Picture 592
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I was dorking around tonight and found a cool photo of a rhino. I've been on a mad charcoal kick as of late, so I thought, hey, I'll draw a little safari scene.

I'm multitasking of course by drawing and cooking dinner (2 hot ham and cheeses).

We pretty much have no food except for old ham which smelled questionable and stale bread. Being a clever guy, I figured if I cooked it in the skillet I wouldn't notice the staleness of the bread and would probably (hopefully) kill any bad germs the old ham might have.

To be efficient, I cook them both at the same time. Some sort of distraction occurred, and I ended up violently burning one side of each sandwich. I had used the last of the stale bread so a bun intervention was not even possible. Instead, I smooshed them together into a whopper hot ham and cheese.

Anyways....

I come back to the big rhino to finish my picture and my little bag of charcoal is gone.

"FRED!!!!!!!"

Fred has a charcoal fetish. The shit is like crack to him. He eats it. So far, it hasn't been toxic. I tracked the little bastard down. He was hiding in the corner next to my now empty bag of charcoal. He looked like a crackhead who just cleaned a chimney. His orange fur was caked with charcoal. I pointed at him and he immediately gave me the Fred Savage snarl, exposing his blackened teeth and tounge. It was hard to stay angry, but he need punishment real bad so I grabbed him, put him over my knee, and spanked his furry ass 3 times like a little bitch, real hard.

He took it like a champ, so I was proud of my little guy. I got up to seek out more charcoal at which point he assaulted me and bit me twice leaving teethmarks and a black mark where his lip me my arm.

We made up later and he gave me five.


PS

My dad is at a biker rally somewhere in the dakota's. I have decided that I want go with him to one of these "rally's". I will disguise myself by drawing on some tatts, not shaving for a few weeks, and wearing lots of leather. I want to infultrate this group with a camera as I have no doubt I could get some stellar pictures out of it. What a great coffee table book that would make! My week as a biker by Ruel Loehr. I would provide an outsider's take on the outlaw world of the biker gangs.

Little boy. Done. Now if i can make the little ray gun I am close to home free. Maybe two or three more sittings and I will be done. I think i have about 20 hours in this so far. I'm heavily invested. 

Billy Harvey

This is one of the coolest websites I have ever seen.

Billy Harvey

Check it out.

sketchdump145

sketchdump145
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

I ate a bowl of creativity for lunch today, so I have a lot of output.

a parting note

Dear student loan,

It's been a good four years. We've crossed states together and even visited two other continents. You've faithfully been there for me every single month. No matter how much I give you though, you seem to want more. Every month I check my balance and nothing seems to change. It's like mailing a check to a big, greedy black hole.

So that's that. We are done. Please consider the enclosed check your alimony.

R. Lo

p.s

I'm blocking you on i.m.

sketchdump144

sketchdump144
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

The boy wonder is almost done. He needs eyes and hair. Once I did his face, I realized the girl needs some work. I'll finish the ray gun first, and then work on her. Getting close. 

The throw from third to first.

I have a mild case of ocd. For example at ll pm at night I realize I cannot find my cell phone. Some people this wouldn't phase, but not me. So I'm running around the house in the undies trying to find it. Oh wait! I think it's in my truck. Since it is 11 pm and all I think it is safe to make a made dash to the truck underwear style.

Wrong.

I open the door and take two steps out. I hear voices.

Shit.

4 people standing in the street looking at me.

I do the only reasonable thing I can. Dash inside.

I'm suddenly deluged with a memory:

Halloween night 1994. All the boys stayed at my house. We snuck out to lay mayhem upon the town, somewhere along the way we found a half gallon whiskey in the back of a pickup. We all become drunk, some of us get injured and we make our way around 3 or 4 in the morning.

Standing on the front porch is my dad in his tight whities pointing at the door.

"Get in the house"

eek.

...

sketchdump143
Originally uploaded by ruelloehr.

drawing at night makes all the world right, especially while watching the people's court and judge marilyn milian.