An open letter to the people at the dog park

Hello you evil hearted bastards,

Let this memo put you on notice. Your time is coming. Consistently, you disregard the signs that say you must keep your dog on the leash. You always look shocked when your dog comes galloping over and tries to sniff my dogs ass. The horror on your face is priceless when FRED goes for the attack. Granted, he is just playing, but that is about to change.

But then, you act like i'm the one at fault? Put your dog on the leash, stupid. Just so you know, if your dog gets attacked and it isn't on a leash, it's your fault. I know this from the People's Court.

So guess what? I'm training Fred. I'm training him to attack any dog that enters his personal space. I'm feeding him raw eggs and rusty nails and I've purchased a manual on teaching your a to attack.

It's on like Donkey Kong.

After Fred beats up your dog, I'm probably going to beat you up as well.

Just because.

Now go fill my propane, 'tupid.