real life stories

I came home today to find E. sitting on the front porch smoking a parliament.

"You don't want to go in there", he said.


"Why?", I replied.

"Just trust me", was the retort.

I cracked the door and was assaulted by a blast of shit stench. I immediately closed the door and sat down on the porch.

"Told you.", he said.

We sat there for 20 minutes dreading the inevitable. I can only deduce that:

1) My house was broken into
2) The thieves brought a horse in with them
3) They fed it life threating amounts of laxatives
4) Then they fed it cabbage, beets, potatoes and 2 small sheep


We cleaned it up and swiffer wet jetted the floor. The living room now smells like poo & douche.