Warrick County Looks for Tourism Opportunities

Warrick Publishing: News Column



Judy Weatherholt
Warrick Economic Development Board
Boonville, IN


Dear Ms. Weatherholt.

Regarding front page article in the latest addition of the Boonville Standard, entitled "Warrick County looks for tourism opportunities", I would like to humbly submit my recommendations. Although I have not officially been a Warrick County resident for quite a number of years, my keen knowledge of notable landmarks makes me an obvious choice to weigh in with suggestions.

1) The world's largest pot leaf. Every Warrick County resident is familiar with the giant marijuana leaf which is painted on the side of the water tower in Folsomville. Let's not be ashamed of this wart, let's profit from it. With just a few tax dollars we could easily convert a double-wide trailer on a nearby hillside to make shift observatory complete with a telescope. We could allow a family to live in the double-wide (heck, even two families, after all, it is a double-wide) and act as curators, and then charge tourists a mere 5 dollars a head to view the giant hemp leaf in all it's glory.

2) Change scales lake to a theme park called "Vicious gooseshit-ville". No childhood in Boonville is complete without being attacked by the geese at Scales lake and ultimately running through the endless mounds of goose shit. The money making opportunities are endless. The geese can chase the children, the parents can go for a swim in the lake, and we can set up a stand to sell medicine which will cure the legion-airres disease they pick up from the lake bacteria.

3) The soundproof room in Folsomville. Folsomville really is an opportunity just waiting to happen. Remember not so long ago when Terry Avery was on the lam from the FBI? For christ sakes, he was a national celebrity even gracing the popular Fox drama, "America's Most Wanted". We all knew where he was, but they didn't. Let's lay a stake on our claim to fame by offering guided tours of where Terry hid out.

4) The goat trail. Ok, work with me on this one. Have you ever seen pamphlets for those African style safari's where you drive through the park and see animals in their native environment? Let's do the same thing with the goat trail, only instead of animals, we offer tourists a chance to see midwesterners in their native environment. Just think of the possibilities! Why, in one day one might see countless mulletts, 1970's model pickup trucks complete with super swampers, and on a lucky day, you might even see fat rednecks snorting lines of whack off their dashboards. This may be the most lucrative scheme ever.

Ms. Weatherholt, I am offering you a great business opportunity, with your landmarks, and my entrepreneurial creativity, we can restore Warrick County to greatness. Heck, we may even win a football sectional.

Sincerely,
R. Loehr