she married the young son of a child molester

I think i am getting a lazy left eye. I just measured in the mirror, left eye is definitely a few millimeters off kilter. I spend far too much time hunched over a laptop. I have had worse jobs though.

Every year my dad would have this big bar-b-q thing at his shop. This dude would roll up with a giant bbq attached to his truck. At the bottom of this contraption were 2 giant tanks which collected the 'drippins (as said in southern indiana). After cooking enough bbq for 30 or 40 people, these bad boys were filled. Luckily, the shop had a steam jenny which i was fortunate enough to get the privilege to use to wash them out. Let me describe the steam jenny. It's basically a high pressure washer (like the car wash X 10) which shoots out a combination of boiling ass hot water and steam at high pressure. If needed, you could kill a man with it.

Now the fun part of this, is that it was so high pressured, whenever you washed something off with it, it immediately shot back in your face. In this case, hot stinky fatty beef drippings. Words cannot enjoy describe my joy in this task.

Oh, but dear friends, it gets worse. You see, one summer during a fabulously muggy indiana heatwave, my genius father decides to buy a crane. Of course, it was severely damaged. This thing was huge, you had to use one of those man lift things to get up to the top. Keep in mind the boom section was about two feet square.

Dad: "Listen, some birds have nested up in the boom section. It's full of nests and shit. We need to wash it out"

Me: "Oh shit."

Dad: "Your the only one that will fit in there. (I was 12). We will set the boom up at an angle so everything slides out the other end. Then we will hoist you up in an aerial life, tie a rope around your ankles so you don't slide out the other end, and drop you down in there with the steam jenny."

Me: "I'm claustorphobic"

Dad: "You'll get over it"

Me: "I will get covered with poop"

Dad: "Probably"

Me: "I'm gonna tell mom"

Dad: "............That won't work either"

So that summer day while my friends carelessly biked around town and went fishing, i dangled by a rope 40 feet in the air in the small confines of super heated boom section of a crane getting sprayed with steaming bird shit. It was even worse than it sounds.

Worst job ever.